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PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

President Trump Wants to Show You His 'OH' Face!

Publish Date: May 29, 2020
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "Please Don't!"

Thoughts?

Publish Date: June 07, 2020
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "Thoughts?"

Stupid White Man Finally Understands Kaepernick’s Message!

Publish Date: May 31, 2020
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "The energizer bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery!"

Social Media Blackout!

Publish Date: June 02, 2020
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "Social Media Blackout!"

Uncle Ben's Renamed Uncle Cracker's!

Publish Date: June 22, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "Why did the cracker go to the doctor? He was feeling a little crumby!"

Coke Reintroduces the Original Formula!

Publish Date: June 11, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus
Top Billing Rank: #6

Platty Says "They don't lie, they don't lie, they don't lie, cocaine!"

Trump Administration Agrees to Pay Reparations!

Publish Date: June 01, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #7

Platty Says "There's a term for Presidents like Trump. Two terms is out of the question!"

Trump’s Foreplay Repertoire Includes Chokehold!

Publish Date: June 14, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #8

Platty Says "It's the only thing in his repertoire."

recent news

Woman Leaves Pubes on Every Toilet She Uses!

Published Date: July 06, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair? Spit it out."

Man, Tired of Skanks but Can’t Afford A 7!

Published Date: July 05, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "Sugar daddy? More like Splenda daddy!"

Man Wants to Be Your Next Childcare Provider!

Published Date: July 04, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "What's the difference between a bar and a daycare? It's easier to pick up girls at a daycare."

White American Cheese Is Better Than Orange!

Published Date: July 03, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "I do have a joke about cheese but it's not aging well."

Mid Forties Man Okay Being Subject of Taylor Swift’s Next Hit Tune!

Published Date: July 02, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "I used to be addicted to quoting Taylor Swift. I think I'm finally clean."

Douchebag Takes Break from Computer to Use His Phone!

Published Date: July 01, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "Where do douchebags settle their disputes? The Supreme court!"

Trump Grants His Supporters Immunity from Covid-19!

Published Date: June 30, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "I really thing he is enjoying the smell of his own farts!"

Ginger Lives Matter Enters Top 5!

Published Date: June 29, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "The soulless have entered the race!"

First Covid Zombie Seen Busting Through Grave!

Published Date: June 28, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "I saw a zombie washing dishes. He was using Dawn of the dead!"

Private Investigator Is A Real Dick!

Published Date: June 27, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "My friend is a female private investigator. She'd rather be called a gynecologist."

Man Sleeps Like A Baby. Shits Himself 3 Times Every Night!

Published Date: June 26, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "Poop is a crappy palindrome!"

Man Quarantines Himself with A Case of Coronavirus!

Published Date: June 25, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "I've got a fever and cowbell will not cure it!"

Demon Pussy Wants to Swallow Your Soul!

Published Date: June 24, 2020
Author: Candy Storr

Platty Says "That's one hairy scary pussy!"

Man’s Alibi for Murder; He Was Busy Killing Someone Else!

Published Date: June 23, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "How do you tell murderers apart? By their serial number!"

Uncle Ben's Renamed Uncle Cracker's!

Published Date: June 22, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "Why did the cracker go to the doctor? He was feeling a little crumby!"

Happy Father's Day!

Published Date: June 21, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "People ask where I keep all of my dad jokes. I tell them in my dad-a-base!"

Crazy Person Uses Literally Figuratively!

Published Date: June 20, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "99.9% of people are idiots! I belong to the intelligent 1%!"

Police Consider Killing More Innocent White People!

Published Date: June 19, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "I don't understand why The Police are getting so much shit. They are a great band!"

PlattyPress.com Celebrates One Year Anniversary!

Published Date: June 18, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "My mom sent me a card for our anniversary. Do you like it?"

Justin Case: Mystery Files of The Ridiculously Prepared!

Published Date: June 17, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "Please do not confuse him with his cousing Justin Time."

Man Does Everything He Can to Get Out of Doing Anything!

Published Date: June 16, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "What exercises do lazy people do? Diddly-squats!"

Murderer Tests His Cleaning Skills by Taking Home DNA Test!

Published Date: June 15, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "After my wife died I couldn’t look at a woman for twenty years. It was totally worth it when I got out of prison."

Trump’s Foreplay Repertoire Includes Chokehold!

Published Date: June 14, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "It's the only thing in his repertoire."

Pepsi Deploys Kendall Jenner to Ease Protest Tensions!

Published Date: June 13, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "The CEO of Pepsi was recently fired. He had developed a bad Coke habit."

Man Attempts Flight After Drinking Bottle of Aviation Gin!

Published Date: June 12, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "Who the hell is Berg?"

recent news

Author Born Death Articles
Amanda Hugenfuk 12/12/62 06/25/19 2
Anna Phalaxis 06/23/68 33
Benjamin Dover 11/22/73 37
Candy Storr 02/26/72 07/25/19 6
Charles U. Farley 04/18/42 06/18/19 2
Chit Ferbrauns 04/22/65 21
Dawn Keybawls 04/26/72 30
Mike Litorus 08/20/64 20
Moe Lester 02/04/55 41
Oopsai Scharted 01/01/00 26
Platty 29

breaking news

Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead!

Publish Date: June 18, 2019
Author: Charles U. Farley
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "They do say you only win for life. Read the fine print!"

Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops!

Publish Date: June 19, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "They are Wicked Pissa!"

President Trump Wants to Show You His 'OH' Face!

Publish Date: May 29, 2020
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "Please Don't!"

Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce!

Publish Date: June 20, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "It might be good on nachos!"

My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again!

Publish Date: June 24, 2019
Author: Amanda Hugenfuk
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, I woke up with my pillow missing!"

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.