September 24, 2021

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Redbox Adds Dick Suckers to Boost DVD Rentals!


Oopsai Scharted 
July 29, 2021 

The fine folks at Redbox have cum up with a new plan to boost their DVD rentals and sales.

With the surge of new online services and digital content users are not renting many DVD these days.

Galen Smith, the CEO of Redbox, knows husbands still go shopping with their wives unwillingly.

Many of the stores these women frequent have a Redbox nearby.

The husbands can now spend some time looking for DVD rentals while having their dick massaged.

The massager adjusts up and down, in and out and speeds can vary depending on if you are in a rush.

The massagers are self-cleaning and are ready for the next customer in about 5 minutes after the last one finishes his DVD rental.

With the release of the dick massagers cums the next branch of Redbox named Redbox Health.

Redbox Health will analyze your sample and will send the results to your doctor to keep you healthy.

Redbox Health, DVD rentals and getting your dick massaged sounds like a win to me.

Platty's Editor Note: I've rented 6 DVD's from 6 different locations today already!

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About Platty

He doesn't care about the satire news bullshit anymore and wants to only bring music reviews to the people.

He isn't the founder anymore of a old consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the music reviews that you don't want at any cost.