September 19, 2020

Shop PlattyPress.com

Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Random article loading in 90 seconds!  

Private Investigator Is A Real Dick!

Dawn Keybawls 
June 27, 2020 

Chris Anderson is a dick.

His parents know he is a dick and so does his sister.

His grandparents have dementia and still remember he is a dick.

Even his friends know he is a dick.

Chris doesn’t have any issues knowing he is a dick because this is how he makes a living.

Even though he is a dick, he always tries to be a private one.

He may be private, but his business is expanding.

Chris is proud to be a private expanding dick.

Platty's Editor Note: I'm not a stalker. I'm an unpaid private investigator.

Other Titles by Dawn Keybawls

Released

2020 Senior Skip Day is Actually Going to School! 05/16/20
Agoraphobic Finally Feels Comfortable in Public! 04/08/20
Asshole Walmart Greeter Watches Woman Pay but Scans Receipt Anyways! 01/12/20
Burger King Introduces New BK Turkey Fries! 04/23/20
Childs Life Started with A Big Bang! 03/09/20
Denny’s Mobile Relief Truck Overtaken by Drunk College Students! 05/19/20
Ginger Woman Sells Her Soul to The Devil! 08/26/20
Guitarist’s Girlfriend Loves How He Fingers Her Guitar! 06/09/20
Heineken 0.0 Dumped and Filled with Real Beer! 09/04/20
Lame Stoner Drools into Bong Again! 09/07/20
Man Does Everything He Can to Get Out of Doing Anything! 06/16/20
Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear! 04/01/20
Man Robs Peter to Pay Paul Because Peter Is an Asshole! 11/23/19
Man Suffers from Covid-Penis! 05/08/20
Man’s Balls Immediately Hurt When Talking About Vasectomy! 07/15/20
Man’s Hairline Looking Like A Patch of Pubes! 07/26/20
Mid Forties Man Okay Being Subject of Taylor Swift’s Next Hit Tune! 07/02/20
Orgy Fest 2020 Still on Amid Covid-19. Theme: Fuck It! 03/30/20
Planned Parenthood Recommends Using Rear Entry! 08/10/20
President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman! 03/16/20
President Claims Only Finger Tip Went into Ukraine’s Presidents Ass! 09/29/19
Private Investigator Is A Real Dick! 06/27/20
Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal! 07/31/20
Santa Came in Record Number of Chimneys and Back Doors! 12/25/19
Sometimes It Just Takes A Good Whacking! 01/19/20
Teacher Misses Having Sex with Her Students! 04/22/20
Trump Says We Are Removing the Plague. But He Is Still Here! 04/14/20
Vegetation Secretly Farming Humans for Food! 08/23/20
Victoria's Secret? Her Penis! 02/05/20
White Man with Tan Accused of Brownface! 02/21/20
Woman Bakes Bread Using Vaginal Yeast! 05/25/20
Woman Cannot Wait to Be Spatchcocked Tonight! 05/27/20
Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace! 05/28/20
Woman Hoping the Next iPhone Is A Pleasure Model! 03/04/20
Woman is Addicted to Secondhand Smoke! 05/01/20

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

       

Shop PlattyPress.com