August 04, 2020

Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Random article loading in 90 seconds!  

Santa Came in Record Number of Chimneys and Back Doors!

Dawn Keybawls
December 25, 2019

Everyone wonder’s why Santa only works 1 day a year.

Is he lazy the rest of the year?

Elves do all the work for Santa so what does he have to do?

He needs his rest.

This year Santa came down a record number of chimneys.

He also entered a record number of back doors where the chimney was too small for him or the only opening available was the back door.

Those are the only two options for Santa as Mrs. Claus does not approve of Santa coming in the front door.

Too many problems can happen when Santa comes in the front door.

Coming down that many chimneys and back doors makes Santa very tired.

The main reason we give him milk is to keep his protein levels up so he can deliver the gifts down your chimney and in your back door.

Please make sure you have one of these openings available for Santa to come.

Platty's Editor Note: How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.

Other Titles by Dawn Keybawls Released
2020 Senior Skip Day is Actually Going to School! 05/16/20
Agoraphobic Finally Feels Comfortable in Public! 04/08/20
Asshole Walmart Greeter Watches Woman Pay but Scans Receipt Anyways! 01/12/20
Burger King Introduces New BK Turkey Fries! 04/23/20
Childs Life Started with A Big Bang! 03/09/20
Denny’s Mobile Relief Truck Overtaken by Drunk College Students! 05/19/20
Guitarist’s Girlfriend Loves How He Fingers Her Guitar! 06/09/20
Heineken 0.0 Dumped and Filled with Real Beer! 02/11/20
Man Does Everything He Can to Get Out of Doing Anything! 06/16/20
Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear! 04/01/20
Man Robs Peter to Pay Paul Because Peter Is an Asshole! 11/23/19
Man Suffers from Covid-Penis! 05/08/20
Man’s Balls Immediately Hurt When Talking About Vasectomy! 07/15/20
Man’s Hairline Looking Like A Patch of Pubes! 07/26/20
Mid Forties Man Okay Being Subject of Taylor Swift’s Next Hit Tune! 07/02/20
Orgy Fest 2020 Still on Amid Covid-19. Theme: Fuck It! 03/30/20
President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman! 03/16/20
President Claims Only Finger Tip Went into Ukraine’s Presidents Ass! 09/29/19
Private Investigator Is A Real Dick! 06/27/20
Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal! 07/31/20
Santa Came in Record Number of Chimneys and Back Doors! 12/25/19
Sometimes It Just Takes A Good Whacking! 01/19/20
Teacher Misses Having Sex with Her Students! 04/22/20
Trump Says We Are Removing the Plague. But He Is Still Here! 04/14/20
Vegetation Secretly Farming Humans for Food! 12/23/19
Victoria's Secret? Her Penis! 02/05/20
White Man with Tan Accused of Brownface! 02/21/20
Woman Bakes Bread Using Vaginal Yeast! 05/25/20
Woman Cannot Wait to Be Spatchcocked Tonight! 05/27/20
Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace! 05/28/20
Woman Hoping the Next iPhone Is A Pleasure Model! 03/04/20
Woman is Addicted to Secondhand Smoke! 05/01/20

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.