May 29, 2020

Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Random article loading in 90 seconds!  

Man’s Best Is Shown When Shot Gunning A Beer!

Oopsai Scharted
December 08, 2019

Burton Franks is not like my dead husband.

My dead husband was a respectful man.

Burton has failed as a person.

His wife left him, and his kids no longer call him dad. They call him Burt.

He just got laid off from his job at Burger King.

He would not endorse the new BK Turkey Fries.

He wasn’t a team player.

He was always his best when shot gunning a beer.

People found him very abrasive except when the shot gunning began.

He was the life of the party, he would attract all kinds of people until the gunning was over.

He recently began a new career booking shot gun beer events at birthday parties, bar mitzvah’s, weddings and divorce parties.

He has finally found a way to be himself and make a living. His kids still call him Burt.

Platty's Editor Note: You know what's fun about being sober? Nothing!

Other Titles by Oopsai Scharted Released
Asshole Went To Kay Instead of Jared! 02/24/20
Cruise Ship Photographed Tossing Coronavirus People Overboard! 03/11/20
Doctors Confirm Covid-19 Not Transferable Ass to Mouth! 05/23/20
Elizabeth Warren Yells ‘I’ll Cut a Bitch!’ Directly at Bernie Sanders! 01/19/20
Gamers Are NOT Athletes! 02/10/20
Hot Chick Now Has to Pay for Alcohol Due to Bars Closing! 03/22/20
Man Cursed with Copious Non-Smelling Farts! 12/24/19
Man Looking to Get Laid at Hooker Furniture! 01/08/20
Man Quarantines Himself with A Case of Coronavirus! 02/17/20
Man’s Best Is Shown When Shot Gunning A Beer! 12/08/19
Mr. Peanut Confirmed Cannibal. Thousands of Peanut Shells Found in Basement! 01/26/20
New England is Tired of 12 Inches and Prefers 6! 03/02/20
Piss Jugs Remembered at Roadside Memorial! 04/16/20
Scumbag Lawyer Still Advertises on The Phone Book! 04/11/20
Sewage Treatment Plant Preparing for The Days Following Thanksgiving! 11/28/19
Student Gets His Ass Kicked on Buddy Bench! 04/30/20
Super Bowl 54 Prediction: White Man Slaughters Native Americans Again! 02/02/20
Teenager Dreams of Becoming Xylophonist in Metal Band! 11/02/19
Tween’s Nightmare Triggered While Using Dad’s Computer! 12/19/19
White Man Finally Installs Button Under Desk That Locks His Office Door! 04/03/20
Wintersun Quietly Releases Time II! 05/06/20
Woman Robbed by Asian Man Wearing Mask! 04/27/20
Woman Sickened by Fly in Her Drink. Her Parasitic Worms Reciprocate Feeling! 05/13/20
Woman Suffers From CDO. The Alphabetical Order OCD! 01/02/20

First Name:

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

Last Name:
Email:
Message: