October 18, 2021

Entertaining You Since 2019!


breaking news

Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace!

Dawn Keybawls 
July 24, 2021 

Mary Smith has always lived in the city.

She spent her whole life bottled up in a massive downtown skyscraper surrounded by her building security.

Her choice of wood has always been questioned.

Her friends and family being the first in line attempt to get her to understand that she needs quality wood in her fireplace.

Hot Wood is stinky and generally shit covered wood that won’t last for more than 10 minutes.

Mary has been stuffing her fireplace with nasty stinky dirty Hot Wood for years.

Her friends want her to experience good, solid, hearty wood. They know she can do better.

Please be true to your friends this holiday season and do not stuff Hot Wood into your fireplace.

Get some good quality wood and respect yourself.

Platty's Editor Note: I don’t know, the ancient question. Quantity or Quality?


Other Works by the Author!

TOOL: Ænima 10/10/21
IMMORTAL: Northern Chaos Gods 10/01/21
AT THE GATES: Slaughter of the Soul 09/22/21
WINDS: The Imaginary Direction of Time 09/16/21
THYRFING: Vanagandr 09/09/21
Woman Hoping the Next iPhone Is A Pleasure Model! 09/04/21
Man, Taint Rips Victims Like Swayze Arrested! 08/29/21
Woman Cannot Wait to Be Spatchcocked Tonight! 08/26/21
Ghost Dick Haunts Huntington Beach Marriott! 08/22/21
Tide Releases Meat-Based Laundry Detergent! 08/17/21
Woman is Addicted to Secondhand Smoke! 08/16/21
Mid Forties Man Okay Being Subject of Taylor Swift’s Next Hit Tune! 08/12/21
Fantasy Sports Gamer Lands on DL, Will Miss Season! 08/04/21
P & R Tired of Q’s Shit! 08/03/21
Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal! 07/31/21
Ginger Woman Sells Her Soul to The Devil! 07/28/21
Private Investigator Is A Real Dick! 07/25/21
Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace! 07/24/21
Heineken 0.0 Dumped and Filled with Real Beer! 07/17/21
Man Suffers from Covid-Penis! 07/14/21


About Platty

He doesn't care about the satire news bullshit anymore and wants to only bring music reviews to the people.

He isn't the founder anymore of a old consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the music reviews that you don't want at any cost.