Just put it on my bill.
December 11, 2019
We have all heard of 911 and to call when there is an emergency.
We also know about 411 when we needed to find a phone number or business address.
We can’t forget about 311 the shitty rock band where we to need to “Come Original”.
But 811? We need to call before we dig?
I asked a local man that goes by the name “Jimmy the Snake” and he said he has dug many holes and has not caused any issues.
He has many years’ experience in the human waste disposal business.
“I’ve dug small holes and I’ve dug very large holes and not once did I hit anything underground. Most of the holes I dig are many miles away from anyone.” Jimmy the Snake explained.
He is looking at me with a weird look in his eyes...
Platty's Editor Note: I received this from Anna late last night. I've called Anna all morning and not heard from her. If anyone knows of Anna's whereabouts, please don’t hesitate to contact us.
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He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.
He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.
He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.