January 20, 2021

Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

About the Author!

Benjamin Dover


Born: 11/22/1958
Died: Still Alive
About Benjamin Dover:

His homemade buttermilk contains no butter.

He is the only man that can lick his own elbow.

He has an inny when it gets cold outside.

He will always get the soap off the floor in a prison shower.

Jeans are his favorite pants.

He loves running naked, backward, in a corn field.


Home

Other Works by the Author!

Bill Belichick Cannot Contain Excitement After Latest Win! 09/13/20
Douchebag Takes Break from Computer to Use His Phone! 07/01/20
Find Your Murdering Potential with Murder23andMe! 06/08/20
Food Network Renamed to The Guy Fieri Network! 11/04/20
Hundreds of Mistresses Mourn Fallen Basketball Star! 02/08/20
Husband's Gum Disease Cured by Wife’s Ejaculate! 09/20/20
Idiot Tomato Processing Owner Stuck on Idea From 40 Years Ago! 02/03/20
It's 11:11, A Family Spirit is Watching So Stop Masturbating! 09/21/20
It’s November 3rd! Take Down Your Halloween Shit! 11/03/20
Kid Enraged by Accidentally Eating Oatmeal Raisin Instead of Chocolate Chip Cookie! 12/11/19
Knee Injury Derails Couple’s Doggy Style! 07/12/20
Listen to My Shitty Podcast Says Another C List Celebrity! 10/19/20
Logger Has A Huge Log! 12/23/20
Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars! 07/24/20
Man Addicted to The Hokey Pokey Finally Turns His Life Around! 08/24/19
Man is Approaching His Last Fuckable Day! 11/10/20
Man Is Ready to Fill in at the Meat Market! 10/30/20
Man Needs His Readers to Trim His Pubes! 08/25/20
Man Stops Believing. Gets Angry Phone Call from Journey! 08/17/19
Man, Thinks His Ankles Can Shine Since Switching to Low Cut Socks! 08/30/20
Man, With Bad Teeth Can Finally Smile! 09/15/20
Manager Enjoys Stories of Nonconsensual Sexual Accusations from Employees! 09/18/20
Nascar Driver Dreams of Turning Right! 05/21/20
New Juiced Bike Racing League: Tour Deez Small Nutz! 01/22/20
Old White Man Wants America to be Great Again! 08/06/20
Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops! 06/19/19
President Said It’s Not A Sub Penis! 05/07/20
Prisoner Treats Himself to Personal Conjugal Visit! 08/20/20
Rare Photo of Airport that Continental Army Took Over During Revolutionary War! 07/06/19
Restaurants Start Taking Customers Temperatures Rectally! 12/30/20
Some Cures Are Worth the Diarrhea! 11/22/20
Superspreader Event is Not What It Seems! 09/05/20
The South To Be Penetrated Hard By Storm Richard! 06/21/19
Trump Administration Agrees to Pay Reparations! 06/01/20
Trump Grants His Supporters Immunity from Covid-19! 06/30/20
Trump's Sad That His Poll Is Shrinking! 11/05/20
Trump’s Foreplay Repertoire Includes Chokehold! 06/14/20
Uncle Ben's Renamed Uncle Cracker's! 06/22/20
Uncle Still Waiting for Nephew’s Facebook Acceptance! 12/07/20
Wash Your Hands Before and After Masturbation! 10/13/20
We Be Them! This Is Us Urban Blight Edition! 01/16/20
White Man Claims Business Name 'Cracker Barrel' is an Ethnic Slur! 01/10/20
White Man Has Happy Feelings Because He Might Help The Homeless! 04/10/20
White Peacock Tired of Being Called a Goddamn Albino! 03/10/20
Wife Is Awaiting In and Out; Husband Has Been Waiting Months! 01/05/21
Woman Has A Giant Hole! 08/07/20
Woman Hasn’t Gotten Off Since Fred! 10/05/20
Woman is too Lazy to Cancel Her Gym Membership! 09/07/19
Woman Walking for A Cure for Alzheimer’s Forgets Why She is Walking! 10/07/20
 

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.