April 01, 2020

Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops! Benjamin Dover
Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead! Charles U. Farley
Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce! Moe Lester
My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again! Amanda Hugenfuk
The South To Be Penetrated Hard By Storm Richard! Benjamin Dover
Rare Photo of Airport that Continental Army Took Over During Revolutionary War! Benjamin Dover
Idiot Tomato Processing Owner Stuck on Idea From 40 Years Ago! Benjamin Dover
Melania Launches New Lumpy Cheesy Bread & Yeast Consumer Products! Mike Litorus
White Man Claims Business Name 'Cracker Barrel' is an Ethnic Slur! Benjamin Dover
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #1 Platty
Old White Man Wants America to be Great Again! Benjamin Dover
Local Man with Constipation Has Never Eaten Taco Bell! Amanda Hugenfuk
Man, Never Sees Wife After Bidet with Feminine Wash Installed! Moe Lester
Man, Premature Ejaculates into Wipes That Claim to Stop Premature Ejaculation! Anna Phalaxis
Woman, Wants You to See Her Candy Pouch! Mike Litorus
Demon Pussy Wants to Swallow Your Soul! Candy Storr
'Hobbs and Shaw' is the New Term for Docking! Mike Litorus
President Trump Wants to Show You His 'OH' Face! Moe Lester
Sports Analysts Agree: Don't Come on Lebron Too Soon! Candy Storr
293 Days To Retirement, Asshole Upping His Asshole Game! Moe Lester
Celtic's Fan Still Thinks Lebron Is A Bitch! Candy Storr
Woman Walking for A Cure for Alzheimer’s Forgets Why She is Walking! Benjamin Dover
US Citizens Not Invited to ICE Weekend Barbecue! Candy Storr
Woman Uses FaceApp on Child to See Who The Daddy Could Be! Mike Litorus
New Juiced Bike Racing League: Tour Deez Small Nutz! Benjamin Dover
White Deviant Sexual Predator Wishes Matt Lauer Was Back on The Today Show! Moe Lester
Platty Wants to Bust His Venom Inside of You! Platty
Photos Show Aquaman Participating in a Threesome! Mike Litorus
Why Can't This Stupid Thing Have A Duck Bill? Platty
Hot Pockets Have 30% More Cheese! Brings Total To 30% Cheese! Moe Lester
Hims Side Effect: Extra Arm Growth! Moe Lester
Teenager Dreams of Becoming Xylophonist in Metal Band! Oopsai Scharted
Ross Perot Finally Fucking Finished! Moe Lester
Man Loves His Fat Juicy Meat! Anna Phalaxis
Man, Confident This Is the Year He Will Finally Lose His Virginity! Candy Storr
Man Holds Sign 'We Love You Stevie' at a Stevie Wonders Concert! Anna Phalaxis
Parents Name Children After Natural Disasters! Anna Phalaxis
Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars! Benjamin Dover
Man Is on His 8th Attempt to Pick Up Piece of Paper Off the Floor! Moe Lester
Tool Pushits New Album Back 2 Years to 2021! Mike Litorus
Meatloaf Would Do Anything for A Klondike Bar, But He Won’t Do That! Anna Phalaxis
Virgin Trees Not Willing to Give It Up to Become Toilet Paper for Your Ass! Mike Litorus
Woman Has to Shit Every Time She Gets Mad! Anna Phalaxis
Mueller! Mueller! Mueller! Mike Litorus
Man Stops Believing. Gets Angry Phone Call from Journey! Benjamin Dover
White Peacock Tired of Being Called a Goddamn Albino! Benjamin Dover
Burqa Totally Brings Out Woman’s Eyes! Mike Litorus
Kids Drive Uncredited Bus Driver to Drink! Anna Phalaxis
Woman Drowns Her 3 Children in Bathtub After Pausing Show 334 Times! Mike Litorus
Each Time a Shooting Occurs, The Gun Industry Wins! Platty
We All Know A Douchebag Named Mike! Mike Litorus
Food Network Presents: Beat Off Bobby Flay! Moe Lester
Another Tragedy at PlattyPress.com as Journalist Candy Storr Found Dead! Platty
Cummings Explodes During Trump's Tongue Lashing! Anna Phalaxis
Little Shit Grew Up to Be A Big Shit! Mike Litorus
White Man with Tan Accused of Brownface! Dawn Keybawls
President Nutted When Crowd Chanted 'Send Her Back!' Moe Lester
Woman Hoping the Next iPhone Is A Pleasure Model! Dawn Keybawls
Pervert Takes Picture Because It Will Last Longer! Anna Phalaxis
Wife is Out of Town, Husband Tries to Masturbate Like a Teen Again! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #2 Platty
Man’s Cheesy Meatballs Explode All Over Your Mom’s Grill! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #3 Platty
Victor Totally Destroys Cheryl's She Shed! Mike Litorus
Man, Excited to Show Off His Mom Jeans! Mike Litorus
White Man Tired of Being Pulled Over by Police! Anna Phalaxis
President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman! Dawn Keybawls
Man, Thinks His Ankles Can Shine Since Switching to Low Cut Socks! Benjamin Dover
Man Quarantines Himself with A Case of Coronavirus! Oopsai Scharted
Man Addicted to The Hokey Pokey Finally Turns His Life Around! Benjamin Dover
Man Worries His Murder Won't Be Covered by Local News! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #4 Platty
Man Sleeps Like A Baby. Shits Himself 3 Times Every Night! Chit Ferbrauns
Daughter Butchers Parents Portrait! Moe Lester
Platty's A Daddy! Platty
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #5 Platty
Mrs. Claus Gifted Pearl Necklace for Christmas! Moe Lester
Scrabble Teacher Reminds Player They Are A Dumbass! Anna Phalaxis
Woman is too Lazy to Cancel Her Gym Membership! Benjamin Dover
Cheese Explodes All Over Microwave Cover’s Tits! Moe Lester
Student Gets His Ass Kicked on Buddy Bench! Oopsai Scharted
Bill Belichick Cannot Contain Excitement After Latest Win! Benjamin Dover
Trump’s Air Emissions Panel Are Breathing Through Their Derriere! Moe Lester
Grandma Believes Grandson is a Giant! Candy Storr
Elizabeth Warren Yells ‘I’ll Cut a Bitch!’ Directly at Bernie Sanders! Oopsai Scharted
Sewage Treatment Plant Preparing for The Days Following Thanksgiving! Oopsai Scharted
President Claims Only Finger Tip Went into Ukraine’s Presidents Ass! Dawn Keybawls
White Man Has Happy Feelings Because He Might Help The Homeless! Benjamin Dover
Accept Tired of Having Their Balls to the Wall...Man! Moe Lester
Homeless Man Takes Bath in Flooding Waters! Anna Phalaxis
Denny’s Mobile Relief Truck Over Taken by Drunk College Students! Dawn Keybawls
Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear! Dawn Keybawls
Man Believes Instagram is a Cocaine Delivery Service! Moe Lester
Piss Jugs Remembered at Roadside Memorial! Oopsai Scharted
Man, Unaware Third Woman Knocking at His Door Was A Kidnap Victim! Anna Phalaxis
White Man Finally Installs Button Under Desk That Locks His Office Door! Oopsai Scharted
Dad Misses Yelling at His Kids Like He Did When They Were Younger! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #6 Platty
Burger King Introduces New BK Turkey Fries! Dawn Keybawls
Man Attempts Flight After Drinking Bottle of Aviation Gin! Moe Lester
Man is Approaching His Last Fuckable Day! Benjamin Dover
Woman Excitingly Eating Frozen Chocolate Banana! Mike Litorus
PlattyPress.com 100th Article! Platty
President Said It’s Not A Sub Penis! Benjamin Dover
Man, Assplodes On Toilet Adjacent to Family Room During Prayer! Moe Lester
Man Looking to Get Laid at Hooker Furniture! Oopsai Scharted
It’s November 3rd! Take Down Your Halloween Shit! Benjamin Dover
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #10 Platty
Kinky American Diplomat Looking for Next Prisoner Swap! Moe Lester
Mid Forties Man Okay Being Subject of Taylor Swift’s Next Hit Tune! Dawn Keybawls
Earth’s Climate Devastation is Boosting Job Growth! Anna Phalaxis
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #7 Platty
Woman Cannot Wait to Be Spatchcocked Tonight! Dawn Keybawls
811? Local Man Is No Pussy and Digs Anyways! Anna Phalaxis
Rectal Thermometer Leaves Shitty Taste in Man’s Mouth! Chit Ferbrauns
Kid Enraged by Accidently Eating Oatmeal Raisin Instead of Chocolate Chip Cookie! Benjamin Dover
Woman is Addicted to Second Hand Smoke! Dawn Keybawls
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #8 Platty
Man Robs Peter to Pay Paul Because Peter Is an Asshole! Dawn Keybawls
Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
Peloton Triple D Attachments Offer Deeper, Harder Ride! Chit Ferbrauns
Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace! Dawn Keybawls
Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
Nascar Driver Dreams of Turning Right! Benjamin Dover
Peloton Introduces Triple D Tandem Bike! Chit Ferbrauns
Asshole Walmart Greeter Watches Woman Pay but Scans Receipt Anyways! Dawn Keybawls
Another Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
Man’s Best Is Shown When Shot Gunning A Beer! Oopsai Scharted
Color Blind Man Sees Porn in Color for The First Time! Moe Lester
White House Staff Big Fan of Peloton Triple D! Chit Ferbrauns
Heroin Addict Also Tai-Chi Addict! Moe Lester
Super Bowl 54 Prediction: White Man Slaughters Native Americans Again! Oopsai Scharted
Tween’s Nightmare Triggered While Using Dad’s Computer! Oopsai Scharted
Another Fucking Murder UPDATE Part II: Mike Litorus Found Dead! Platty
Murderer Tests His Cleaning Skills by Taking Home DNA Test! Moe Lester
Man Cursed with Copious Non-Smelling Farts! Oopsai Scharted
Find Your Murdering Potential with Murder23andMe! Benjamin Dover
Woman Suffers From CDO. The Alphabetical Order OCD! Oopsai Scharted
Crying Grandpa Yells ‘Get Your Fucking Hands Off’ To Consoling Family Members! Anna Phalaxis
Another Fucking Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #9 Platty
Woman’s Burger Has Never Been Stuffed! Anna Phalaxis
Gamers Are NOT Athletes! Oopsai Scharted
Man Equates Life to Driving A Car With 3 Blown Tires! Anna Phalaxis
Santa Came in Record Number of Chimneys and Back Doors! Dawn Keybawls
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #11 Platty
Hundreds of Mistresses Mourn Fallen Basketball Star! Benjamin Dover
Woman Wants Two Dict’s in Her Eggs Benedict! Chit Ferbrauns
Douchebag Takes Break from Computer to Use His Phone! Benjamin Dover
Sometimes It Just Takes A Good Whacking! Dawn Keybawls
Vegetation Secretly Farming Humans for Food! Dawn Keybawls
Guy Fieri’s Sperm Rocks Bleach Blonde Tails! Anna Phalaxis
Mr. Peanut Confirmed Cannibal. Thousands of Peanut Shells Found in Basement! Oopsai Scharted
Wife Returns New Glasses After Finally Seeing Her Husband! Chit Ferbrauns
Man Jokes about Being Unattractive and Others Automatically Agree! Anna Phalaxis
Woman Leaves Pubes on Every Toilet She Uses! Moe Lester
Man Wants to Be Your Next Childcare Provider! Moe Lester
Man Needs His Readers to Trim His Pubes! Benjamin Dover
Man Plays Skin Flute During Brain Surgery! Anna Phalaxis
New Dating App: Just Looking! Anna Phalaxis
We Be Them! This Is Us Urban Blight Edition! Benjamin Dover
Victoria's Secret? Her Penis! Dawn Keybawls
Man is Bleeding Way Too Much to Get Band-aid on! Moe Lester
Asshole Went To Kay Instead of Jared! Oopsai Scharted
Man is Very Trusting of His Farts! Moe Lester
Here is a New App That Manages Your Other Apps That Manage Your Apps! Chit Ferbrauns
Cruise Ship Photographed Tossing Coronavirus People Overboard! Oopsai Scharted
Last Piece of Pizza Excited for Group Play! Chit Ferbrauns
Heineken 0.0 Dumped and Filled with Real Beer! Dawn Keybawls
Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal! Dawn Keybawls
The Archives: It’s Called A Goddamn Pound Sign! Charles U. Farley
Gay Porn Star Asked About His Big Opening! Chit Ferbrauns
It's 11:11, A Family Spirit is Watching So Stop Masturbating! Benjamin Dover
This Shit Show That Was 2019 is Finally Over! Platty
Golfer Feels Sexy Holding His Follow Through! Chit Ferbrauns
Manager Enjoys Stories of Nonconsensual Sexual Accusations from Employees! Benjamin Dover
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #12 Platty
New England is Tired of 12 Inches and Prefers 6! Oopsai Scharted
Man Hides Easter Eggs Under Piles of Dog Shit! Moe Lester
Husband is Lucky to Get A Foot and A Half! Anna Phalaxis
Childs Life Started with A Big Bang! Dawn Keybawls
Hot Chick Now Has to Pay for Alcohol Due to Bars Closing! Oopsai Scharted
CDC Warns Limit of 5 People in Orgy Due to Coronavirus! Moe Lester
Man, With Bad Teeth Can Finally Smile! Benjamin Dover
Practice Safe Social Distancing with The New 6 Foot Penis Extension! Chit Ferbrauns
IT Tech Working at Home Still Required to Wear Company Swag! Moe Lester
Nails, Eyebrows and Bushes Are Getting Out of Control! Anna Phalaxis
Orgy Fest 2020 Still on Amid Covid-19. Theme: Fuck It! Dawn Keybawls
CDC Recommends Washing Hands Over Open Flames! Moe Lester

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About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

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