Just put it on my bill.

December 11, 2019


breaking news

Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead! Charles U. Farley
Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops! Benjamin Dover
Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce! Moe Lester
My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again! Amanda Hugenfuk
The South To Be Penetrated Hard By Storm Richard! Benjamin Dover
Demon Pussy Wants to Swallow Your Soul! Candy Storr
Old White Man Wants America to be Great Again! Benjamin Dover
Sports Analysts Agree: Don't Come on Lebron Too Soon! Candy Storr
Rare Photo of Airport that Continental Army Took Over During Revolutionary War! Benjamin Dover
Celtic's Fan Still Thinks Lebron Is A Bitch! Candy Storr
Local Man with Constipation Has Never Eaten Taco Bell! Amanda Hugenfuk
Idiot Tomato Processing Owner Stuck on Idea From 40 Years Ago! Benjamin Dover
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #1 Platty
Woman, Wants You to See Her Candy Pouch! Mike Litorus
US Citizens Not Invited to ICE Weekend Barbecue! Candy Storr
Woman Uses FaceApp on Child to See Who The Daddy Could Be! Mike Litorus
405 Days To Retirement, Asshole Upping His Asshole Game! Moe Lester
Melania Launches New Lumpy Cheesy Bread & Yeast Consumer Products! Mike Litorus
Hims Side Effect: Extra Arm Growth! Moe Lester
President Trump Wants to Show You His 'OH' Face! Moe Lester
Tool Pushits New Album Back 2 Years to 2021! Mike Litorus
Ross Perot Finally Fucking Finished! Moe Lester
Man, Confident This Is the Year He Will Finally Lose His Virginity! Candy Storr
Why Can't This Stupid Thing Have A Duck Bill? Platty
Mueller! Mueller! Mueller! Mike Litorus
Little Shit Grew Up to Be A Big Shit! Mike Litorus
New Juiced Bike Racing League: Tour Deez Small Nutz! Benjamin Dover
White Man Claims Business Name 'Cracker Barrel' is an Ethnic Slur! Benjamin Dover
Each Time a Shooting Occurs, The Gun Industry Wins! Platty
Woman Walking for A Cure for Alzheimer’s Forgets Why She is Walking! Benjamin Dover
'Hobbs and Shaw' is the New Term for Docking! Mike Litorus
Another Tragedy at PlattyPress.com as Journalist Candy Storr Found Dead! Platty
Cummings Explodes During Trump's Tongue Lashing! Anna Phalaxis
Man, Never Sees Wife After Bidet with Feminine Wash Installed! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #2 Platty
Man, Premature Ejaculates into Wipes That Claim to Stop Premature Ejaculation! Anna Phalaxis
Virgin Trees Not Willing to Give It Up to Become Toilet Paper for Your Ass! Mike Litorus
White Deviant Sexual Predator Wishes Matt Lauer Was Back on The Today Show! Moe Lester
President Nutted When Crowd Chanted 'Send Her Back!' Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #3 Platty
Man Loves His Fat Juicy Meat! Anna Phalaxis
Man Stops Believing. Gets Angry Phone Call from Journey! Benjamin Dover
Woman Has to Shit Every Time She Gets Mad! Anna Phalaxis
Man Is on His 8th Attempt to Pick Up Piece of Paper Off the Floor! Moe Lester
We All Know A Douchebag Named Mike! Mike Litorus
Hot Pockets Have 30% More Cheese! Brings Total To 30% Cheese! Moe Lester
Photos Show Aquaman Participating in a Threesome! Mike Litorus
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #5 Platty
White Peacock Tired of Being Called a Goddamn Albino! Benjamin Dover
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #4 Platty
Daughter Butchers Parents Portrait! Moe Lester
Grandma Believes Grandson is a Giant! Candy Storr
Man, Thinks His Ankles Can Shine Since Switching to Low Cut Socks! Benjamin Dover
Woman Drowns Her 3 Children in Bathtub After Pausing Show 334 Times! Mike Litorus
Man Addicted to The Hokey Pokey Finally Turns His Life Around! Benjamin Dover
Man Holds Sign 'We Love You Stevie' at a Stevie Wonders Concert! Anna Phalaxis
Parents Name Children After Natural Disasters! Anna Phalaxis
Burqa Totally Brings Out Woman’s Eyes! Mike Litorus
Platty Wants to Bust His Venom Inside of You! Platty
Meatloaf Would Do Anything for A Klondike Bar, But He Won’t Do That! Anna Phalaxis
Food Network Presents: Beat Off Bobby Flay! Moe Lester
Scrabble Teacher Reminds Player They Are A Dumbass! Anna Phalaxis
Wife is Out of Town, Husband Tries to Masturbate Like a Teen Again! Moe Lester
Man’s Cheesy Meatballs Explode All Over Your Mom’s Grill! Moe Lester
Woman is too Lazy to Cancel Her Gym Membership! Benjamin Dover
Woman Hoping the Next iPhone Is A Pleasure Model! Dawn Keybawls
Victor Totally Destroys Cheryl's She Shed! Mike Litorus
Trump’s Air Emissions Panel Are Breathing Through Their Derriere! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #6 Platty
Bill Belichick Cannot Contain Excitement After Latest Win! Benjamin Dover
Cheese Explodes All Over Microwave Cover’s Tits! Moe Lester
Pervert Takes Picture Because It Will Last Longer! Anna Phalaxis
Kids Drive Uncredited Bus Driver to Drink! Anna Phalaxis
Man, Excited to Show Off His Mom Jeans! Mike Litorus
Platty's A Daddy! Platty
White Man with Tan Accused of Brownface! Dawn Keybawls
President Claims Only Finger Tip Went into Ukraine’s Presidents Ass! Dawn Keybawls
Accept Tired of Having Their Balls to the Wall...Man! Moe Lester
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #7 Platty
Teenager Dreams of Becoming Xylophonist in Metal Band! Oopsai Scharted
Man Worries His Murder Won't Be Covered by Local News! Moe Lester
Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars! Benjamin Dover
Man, Assplodes On Toilet Adjacent to Family Room During Prayer! Moe Lester
Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
White Man Tired of Being Pulled Over by Police! Anna Phalaxis
White Man Finally Installs Button Under Desk That Locks His Office Door! Oopsai Scharted
PlattyPress.com 100th Article! Platty
Woman Excitingly Eating Frozen Chocolate Banana! Mike Litorus
President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman! Dawn Keybawls
Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #8 Platty
Piss Jugs Remembered at Roadside Memorial! Oopsai Scharted
Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear! Dawn Keybawls
White Man Has Happy Feelings Because He Might Help The Homeless! Benjamin Dover
It’s November 3rd! Take Down Your Halloween Shit! Benjamin Dover
Student Gets His Ass Kicked on Buddy Bench! Oopsai Scharted
Burger King Introduces New BK Turkey Fries! Dawn Keybawls
Another Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #10 Platty
Another Fucking Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors! Platty
Man, Unaware Third Woman Knocking at His Door Was A Kidnap Victim! Anna Phalaxis
Man is Approaching His Last Fuckable Day! Benjamin Dover
Homeless Man Takes Bath in Flooding Waters! Anna Phalaxis
Sewage Treatment Plant Preparing for The Days Following Thanksgiving! Oopsai Scharted
Mrs. Claus Gifted Pearl Necklace for Christmas! Moe Lester
Another Fucking Murder UPDATE Part II: Mike Litorus Found Dead! Platty
Earth’s Climate Devastation is Boosting Job Growth! Anna Phalaxis
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #9 Platty
811? Local Man Is No Pussy and Digs Anyways! Anna Phalaxis
Man Robs Peter to Pay Paul Because Peter Is an Asshole! Dawn Keybawls
Dad Misses Yelling at His Kids Like He Did When They Were Younger! Moe Lester
President Said It’s Not A Sub Penis! Benjamin Dover
Woman Excited to Put Hot Wood into Her Fireplace! Dawn Keybawls
Woman Cannot Wait to Be Spatchcocked Tonight! Dawn Keybawls
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #11 Platty
PlattyPress Week In Review Video #12 Platty
Man’s Best Is Shown When Shot Gunning A Beer! Oopsai Scharted
Nascar Driver Dreams of Turning Right! Benjamin Dover
Kinky American Diplomat Looking for Next Prisoner Swap! Moe Lester

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About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

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