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breaking news

THYRFING: Vanagandr

Top Billing Rank: #1
Publish Date: September 09, 2021
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says: "This album is an accumulation of the complete essense of Thyrfing!"

BAL-SAGOTH: Starfire Burning Upon the Ice-Veiled Throne of Ultima Thule

Top Billing Rank: #2
Publish Date: September 11, 2021
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says: "The Mighty Bal-Sagoth!"

OPETH: In Cauda Venenum

Top Billing Rank: #3
Publish Date: September 10, 2021
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says: "I miss the old Opeth!"

FALCONER: From a Dying Ember

Top Billing Rank: #4
Publish Date: September 12, 2021
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says: "Rejoice the Adorned!"

LE GRAND GUIGNOL: The Great Maddening

Top Billing Rank: #5
Publish Date: September 12, 2021
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says: "The Great Maddening is Excellent!"

KALMAH: Seventh Swamphony

Top Billing Rank: #6
Publish Date: September 13, 2021
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says: "To the grave!"

Husband Loves to Eat His Wife’s Juicy Taco!

Top Billing Rank: #7
Publish Date: August 12, 2021
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says: "I got gas for $1.34 but it was from Taco Bell!"

METALLICA: Black Album

Top Billing Rank: #8
Publish Date: September 14, 2021
Author: Ms. Ann Formation

Platty Says: "What a clunk of shit!"

recent news

PANTERA: Far Beyond Driven

Published Date: September 20, 2021
Author: Ms. Ann Formation

Platty Says: "I'm broken!"

VINTERSORG: Cosmic Genesis

Published Date: September 20, 2021
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says: ""In heaven I am a wild ox. On earth I am a lion. A jester from hell, And the shadows almighty.""

THE KOVENANT: Nexus Polaris

Published Date: September 19, 2021
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says: "We comand and you obey!"

CHILDREN OF BODOM: Hatebreeder

Published Date: September 18, 2021
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says: "From now on we are enemies....you and I."

SLAYER: World Painted Blood

Published Date: September 18, 2021
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says: "No Sanctuary!"

WINTERSUN: Wintersun

Published Date: September 17, 2021
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says: "I wonder how much time will pass before the next release?"

WINDS: The Imaginary Direction of Time

Published Date: September 16, 2021
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says: "I imagine time goes somewhere!"

TESTAMENT: Demonic

Published Date: September 15, 2021
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says: "Together as one!"

METALLICA: Black Album

Published Date: September 14, 2021
Author: Ms. Ann Formation

Platty Says: "What a clunk of shit!"

KALMAH: Seventh Swamphony

Published Date: September 13, 2021
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says: "To the grave!"

LE GRAND GUIGNOL: The Great Maddening

Published Date: September 12, 2021
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says: "The Great Maddening is Excellent!"

FALCONER: From a Dying Ember

Published Date: September 12, 2021
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says: "Rejoice the Adorned!"

BAL-SAGOTH: Starfire Burning Upon the Ice-Veiled Throne of Ultima Thule

Published Date: September 11, 2021
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says: "The Mighty Bal-Sagoth!"

OPETH: In Cauda Venenum

Published Date: September 10, 2021
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says: "I miss the old Opeth!"

THYRFING: Vanagandr

Published Date: September 09, 2021
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says: "This album is an accumulation of the complete essense of Thyrfing!"

Stoner Uses Enbrel On His Joints!

Published Date: September 09, 2021
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says: "That's a $6000 joint man!"

Golfer Had Best Round of Life Until He Lost It On 17!

Published Date: September 08, 2021
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says: "He was 6 under. Now he's 6 feet under!"

Man’s Planning on Becoming Famous After His Death!

Published Date: September 07, 2021
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says: "Who wants fame and fortune while alive?"

New Compatible PS5 / XBOX Controller Leaked!

Published Date: September 07, 2021
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says: "You'll be rocking high scores in no time with this controller."

Man Suffering from Delayed Gratification Issues Will Just Have to Wait!

Published Date: September 06, 2021
Author: Ms. Ann Formation

Platty Says: "I have a joke about this but I'll tell it later."

recent news

	Author	Born	Death	Articles
	Amanda Hugenfuk	12/12/62	06/25/19	2
	Anna Phalaxis	06/23/68		53
	Benjamin Dover	11/22/58		57
	Candy Storr	02/26/72	07/25/19	6
	Charles U. Farley	04/18/42	06/18/19	2
	Chit Ferbrauns	04/22/65		42
	Dawn Keybawls	04/26/72		52
	Mike Litorus	08/20/64		42
	Moe Lester	02/04/55		62
	Ms. Ann Formation	06/14/44		20
	Oopsai Scharted	01/01/00		48
	Platty			47

About Platty

He doesn't care about the satire news bullshit anymore and wants to only bring music reviews to the people.

He isn't the founder anymore of a old consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the music reviews that you don't want at any cost.