Just put it on my bill.

November 15, 2019

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Old White Man Wants America to be Great Again!

Publish Date: October 17, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #1
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America."

Woman Excitingly Eating Frozen Chocolate Banana!

Publish Date: October 06, 2019
Author: Mike Litorus
Top Billing Rank: #2
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "If you dont believe in Oral Sex, keep your mouth shut!"

Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Publish Date: October 21, 2019
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #3
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone Loves Mike Litorus!"

Cheese Explodes All Over Microwave Cover’s Tits!

Publish Date: October 29, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #4
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "That's a lot of cheese!"

Man, Assplodes On Toilet Adjacent to Family Room During Prayer!

Publish Date: October 13, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #5
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "What’s big and brown and behind the wall? Humpty’s Dump."

President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman!

Publish Date: October 07, 2019
Author: Dawn Keybawls
Top Billing Rank: #6
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Smegma: A sebaceous secretion in the folds of the skin, especially under a man's foreskin."

Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Publish Date: October 20, 2019
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #7
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone Loves Mike Litorus!"

Wife is Out of Town, Husband Tries to Masturbate Like a Teen Again!

Publish Date: November 10, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #8
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!"

recent news

Piss Jugs Remembered at Roadside Memorial!

Published Date: November 13, 2019
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Urine trouble when you have a bladder infection!"

PlattyPress.com 100th Article!

Published Date: November 11, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "The wonrg journalists died!"

White Man Has Happy Feelings Because He Might Help The Homeless!

Published Date: November 11, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, make sure that you are not just surrounded by assholes!"

Wife is Out of Town, Husband Tries to Masturbate Like a Teen Again!

Published Date: November 10, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!"

PlattyPress Week In Review Video #10

Published Date: November 09, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "It's still been one hell of a ride but my balls are turning black and blue and about to fall off!"

Earth’s Climate Devastation is Boosting Job Growth!

Published Date: November 09, 2019
Author: Anna Phalaxis
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Incest: In many parts of the Bible Belt, it's the most popular form of dating."

US Citizens Not Invited to ICE Weekend Barbecue!

Published Date: November 07, 2019
Author: Candy Storr
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Did I tell you that I live next door to Dunkin Donuts?"

White Man Finally Installs Button Under Desk That Locks His Office Door!

Published Date: November 04, 2019
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "Anyone who believes the way to a man's heart is through his penis flunked geography."

Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear!

Published Date: November 03, 2019
Author: Dawn Keybawls
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm."

It’s November 3rd! Take Down Your Halloween Shit!

Published Date: November 03, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts."

Teenager Dreams of Becoming Xylophonist in Metal Band!

Published Date: November 02, 2019
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "I might not know how to fix an xylophone. I can tinker around with it."

Cheese Explodes All Over Microwave Cover’s Tits!

Published Date: October 29, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "That's a lot of cheese!"

White Man Tired of Being Pulled Over by Police!

Published Date: October 27, 2019
Author: Anna Phalaxis
Audio Article: Yes

Platty Says "White men get pulled over?"

Another Fucking Murder UPDATE Part II: Mike Litorus Found Dead!

Published Date: October 27, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Who is Mike Litorus?"

PlattyPress Week In Review Video #9

Published Date: October 26, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "It's still been one hell of a ride but my balls are turning black and blue!"

Woman Uses FaceApp on Child to See Who The Daddy Could Be!

Published Date: October 26, 2019
Author: Mike Litorus
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Why take a paternity test when you have FaceApp?"

Sports Analysts Agree: Don't Come on Lebron Too Soon!

Published Date: October 24, 2019
Author: Candy Storr
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "I didn’t wanna be late for the game, so I came early!"

Another Fucking Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Published Date: October 23, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone is distancing them from Mike Litorus!"

Another Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Published Date: October 22, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone is fond of Mike Litorus!"

Murder UPDATE: Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Published Date: October 21, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone Loves Mike Litorus!"

Mike Litorus Arrested for the Murders of 3 PlattyPress.com Authors!

Published Date: October 20, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Everyone Loves Mike Litorus!"

Demon Pussy Wants to Swallow Your Soul!

Published Date: October 19, 2019
Author: Candy Storr
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "That's one hairy scary pussy!"

Old White Man Wants America to be Great Again!

Published Date: October 17, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America."

Celtic's Fan Still Thinks Lebron Is A Bitch!

Published Date: October 16, 2019
Author: Candy Storr
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Lebron went West, His Hairline went North!"

PlattyPress Week In Review Video #8

Published Date: October 14, 2019
Author: Platty
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "It's still been one hell of a ride but my balls are turning blue!"

recent news

Author Born Death Articles
Amanda Hugenfuk 12/12/62 06/25/19 2
Anna Phalaxis 06/23/71 13
Benjamin Dover 11/22/73 17
Candy Storr 02/26/82 07/25/19 6
Charles U. Farley 04/18/42 06/18/19 1
Dawn Keybawls 04/26/82 5
Mike Litorus 08/20/74 10/27/19 15
Moe Lester 02/04/55 18
Oopsai Scharted 01/01/00 3
Platty 21

breaking news

Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead!

Publish Date: June 18, 2019
Author: Charles U. Farley
Top Billing Rank: #1
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "They do say you only win for life. Read the fine print!"

Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops!

Publish Date: June 19, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #2
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "They are Wicked Pissa!"

Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce!

Publish Date: June 20, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #3
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "It might be good on nachos!"

My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again!

Publish Date: June 24, 2019
Author: Amanda Hugenfuk
Top Billing Rank: #4
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, I woke up with my pillow missing!"

The South To Be Penetrated Hard By Storm Richard!

Publish Date: June 21, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #5
Audio Article: No

Platty Says "Looks like the assholes got it in the end!"

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About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

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