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PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

Platty Wants to Bust His Venom Inside of You!

Publish Date: March 24, 2020
Author: Platty
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "That's Right!"

Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars!

Publish Date: March 27, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

Photos Show Aquaman Participating in a Threesome!

Publish Date: March 01, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "About time something exciting happened with Aquaman!"

Cruise Ship Photographed Tossing Coronavirus People Overboard!

Publish Date: March 11, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "Eh! The virus won't last long as it was made in China!"

White Man Tired of Being Pulled Over by Police!

Publish Date: March 28, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "White men get pulled over?"

Last Piece of Pizza Excited for Group Play!

Publish Date: February 29, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns
Top Billing Rank: #6

Platty Says "What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Licks-a-lotta-puss!"

Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal!

Publish Date: February 28, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls
Top Billing Rank: #7

Platty Says "What did the drummer say right before he was fired? Do you want to play one of my songs?"

Manager Enjoys Stories of Nonconsensual Sexual Accusations from Employees!

Publish Date: March 05, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #8

Platty Says "That's what she said!"

recent news

Agoraphobic Finally Feels Comfortable in Public!

Published Date: April 08, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "Did you here about the parade for agoraphobia? No one showed up!"

Grandma Believes Grandson is a Giant!

Published Date: April 07, 2020
Author: Candy Storr

Platty Says "I got a sewing kit and it is sew fun!"

Covid-18 Jealous of 19’s Success!

Published Date: April 06, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "I recently had Flu shot! Why did her parents name her FLU?"

Dude Smashes Prostitutes Unprotected Worried About Covid-19!

Published Date: April 05, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "Why does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer? She can clean her crack and sell it again!"

Wash Your Hands Before and After Masturbation!

Published Date: April 04, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "What does Tofu and a vibrator have in common? They are meat substitutes."

White Man Finally Installs Button Under Desk That Locks His Office Door!

Published Date: April 03, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "Anyone who believes the way to a man's heart is through his penis flunked geography."

Homeless Woman Arrested for Violating Stay at Home Order!

Published Date: April 02, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "A homeless man called me ugly yesterday and I told him to get better jokes or go home!"

Man Hopes Everyone Sees His Bladder Control Underwear!

Published Date: April 01, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm."

CDC Recommends Washing Hands Over Open Flames!

Published Date: March 31, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "Don't forget to use hand sanitizer while washing over the open flames!"

Orgy Fest 2020 Still on Amid Covid-19. Theme: Fuck It!

Published Date: March 30, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "If you throw a bad orgy, people won't want to come."

Platty's A Daddy!

Published Date: March 29, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "Who out there is ready for my next baby? Send an email and we'll chat!"

White Man Tired of Being Pulled Over by Police!

Published Date: March 28, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "White men get pulled over?"

Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars!

Published Date: March 27, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

Man, Unaware Third Woman Knocking at His Door Was A Kidnap Victim!

Published Date: March 26, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "I don’t like to use the word kidnapping. I just call it a surprise adoption."

Man, Excited to Show Off His Mom Jeans!

Published Date: March 25, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "I remember when my mom used to wear those in the '90s."

Platty Wants to Bust His Venom Inside of You!

Published Date: March 24, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "That's Right!"

Nails, Eyebrows and Bushes Are Getting Out of Control!

Published Date: March 23, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "Why did the orange go to the beauty salon? Because it needed a peeling."

Hot Chick Now Has to Pay for Alcohol Due to Bars Closing!

Published Date: March 22, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "My town’s population never changes. Every time a hot girl gets pregnant, the guy leaves town!"

IT Tech Working at Home Still Required to Wear Company Swag!

Published Date: March 21, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

Woman Has to Shit Every Time She Gets Mad!

Published Date: March 20, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "People who tell you that they are constipated are full of crap!"

Man, With Bad Teeth Can Finally Smile!

Published Date: March 19, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "I lost my sleeping mask. I won't rest until I find it!"

Practice Safe Social Distancing with The New 6 Foot Penis Extension!

Published Date: March 18, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "For his and her pleasure!"

Parents Name Children After Natural Disasters!

Published Date: March 17, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "What's next? GoT names? STD names? Geez!"

President Believes a Whistleblower is a Felatious Woman!

Published Date: March 16, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "Smegma: A sebaceous secretion in the folds of the skin, especially under a man's foreskin."

PlattyPress Week In Review Video #1

Published Date: March 15, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "Its been one hell of a ride so far!"

recent news

Author Born Death Articles
Amanda Hugenfuk 12/12/62 06/25/19 2
Anna Phalaxis 06/23/71 25
Benjamin Dover 11/22/73 30
Candy Storr 02/26/82 07/25/19 6
Charles U. Farley 04/18/42 06/18/19 2
Chit Ferbrauns 04/22/65 13
Dawn Keybawls 04/26/82 22
Mike Litorus 08/20/74 10/27/19 15
Moe Lester 02/04/55 36
Oopsai Scharted 01/01/00 19
Platty 24

breaking news

Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops!

Publish Date: June 19, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "They are Wicked Pissa!"

Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead!

Publish Date: June 18, 2019
Author: Charles U. Farley
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "They do say you only win for life. Read the fine print!"

Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce!

Publish Date: June 20, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "It might be good on nachos!"

My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again!

Publish Date: June 24, 2019
Author: Amanda Hugenfuk
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, I woke up with my pillow missing!"

The South To Be Penetrated Hard By Storm Richard!

Publish Date: June 21, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "Looks like the assholes got it in the end!"

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About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.

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