Entertaining You On The Shitter Since 2019!

PlatyPress
PlatyPress

breaking news

First Covid Zombie Seen Busting Through Grave!

Publish Date: June 28, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "I saw a zombie washing dishes. He was using Dawn of the dead!"

Private Investigator Is A Real Dick!

Publish Date: June 27, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "My friend is a female private investigator. She'd rather be called a gynecologist."

Man Quarantines Himself with A Case of Coronavirus!

Publish Date: June 25, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "I've got a fever and cowbell will not cure it!"

Trump Grants His Supporters Immunity from Covid-19!

Publish Date: June 30, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "I really thing he is enjoying the smell of his own farts!"

Moxie, The Official Beverage Of 2020!

Publish Date: July 16, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "Do you know what Moose piss tastes like? Yes, just like Moxie!"

Man Sleeps Like A Baby. Shits Himself 3 Times Every Night!

Publish Date: June 26, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns
Top Billing Rank: #6

Platty Says "Poop is a crappy palindrome!"

Perineum Sunning Cures Covid-19!

Publish Date: July 08, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis
Top Billing Rank: #7

Platty Says "Man dad always called it a taint! It taint yo balls and it taint yo ass!"

Man’s Balls Immediately Hurt When Talking About Vasectomy!

Publish Date: July 15, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls
Top Billing Rank: #8

Platty Says "I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want kids. I got home and they were still there."

recent news

Woman, Wants You to See Her Candy Pouch!

Published Date: August 03, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "I don't need to see her Kit Kat!"

Biden’s Pole Is Larger Than Trumps in 2020 Erections!

Published Date: August 02, 2020
Author: Ms. Ann Formation

Platty Says "The president loves to sit on top of the pole!"

Sports Analysts Agree: Don't Come on Lebron Too Soon!

Published Date: August 01, 2020
Author: Candy Storr

Platty Says "I didn’t wanna be late for the game, so I came early!"

Racist Drummer Refuses to Play Black Metal!

Published Date: July 31, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "What did the drummer say right before he was fired? Do you want to play one of my songs?"

Trump: Delay Election! Americans: Have Election ASAP!

Published Date: July 30, 2020
Author: Platty

Platty Says "Donald John Trump WAS the 45th president of the United States."

Neighborhood Glory Hole Now Open!

Published Date: July 29, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "Glory hole wages only pay in tips."

Color Blind Man Sees Porn in Color for The First Time!

Published Date: July 28, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "I found out that I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple."

Wall of Moms Use to Being Sprayed with Liquids!

Published Date: July 27, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "You think Pepper spray has an effect after years of dealing with piss, puke and shit?"

Man’s Hairline Looking Like A Patch of Pubes!

Published Date: July 26, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "I sometimes rub sand into my pubes to make the crabs feel at home."

Pepto Bismol Diarrhea Liquid Enema Released!

Published Date: July 25, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "Cherry flavor for your asshole!"

We All Know A Douchebag Named Mike!

Published Date: July 25, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "If you were an appliance, what kind would you be? Mike-rowave!"

Maker of KIND Create New HATE Bars!

Published Date: July 24, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

Man Believes Instagram is a Cocaine Delivery Service!

Published Date: July 23, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "I snorted enough cocaine last night to send Pablo Escobar's grandchildren to Harvard."

Guy Fieri’s Sperm Rocks Bleach Blonde Tails!

Published Date: July 22, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "Why didn't the sperm donor have any free time? He had loads to do."

Falconer Postpones Disbanding to Pursue Metal Theatre!

Published Date: July 21, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "A man broke into the theatre during a performance and stole the spotlight!"

Man Looking to Get Laid at Hooker Furniture!

Published Date: July 20, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "Did you hear about the blind prostitute? You got to hand it to her!"

Stroke Sufferer Encouraged to Keep A Stiff Upper Lip!

Published Date: July 19, 2020
Author: Anna Phalaxis

Platty Says "Know the warning signs and symptoms!"

Peacock Now Streaming with Extra Cock!

Published Date: July 18, 2020
Author: Mike Litorus

Platty Says "I have a peacock right above my peanuts."

Gay Porn Star Asked About His Big Opening!

Published Date: July 17, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "My new girl friend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out!"

Moxie, The Official Beverage Of 2020!

Published Date: July 16, 2020
Author: Oopsai Scharted

Platty Says "Do you know what Moose piss tastes like? Yes, just like Moxie!"

Man’s Balls Immediately Hurt When Talking About Vasectomy!

Published Date: July 15, 2020
Author: Dawn Keybawls

Platty Says "I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want kids. I got home and they were still there."

Golfer Feels Sexy Holding His Follow Through!

Published Date: July 14, 2020
Author: Chit Ferbrauns

Platty Says "Golf is a five-mile walk punctuated with many disappointments."

Man’s Cheesy Meatballs Explode All Over Your Mom’s Grill!

Published Date: July 14, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "Where do the poor meatballs live? In the spaghetto!"

Husband Loves to Eat His Wife’s Juicy Taco!

Published Date: July 13, 2020
Author: Moe Lester

Platty Says "I got gas for $1.34 but it was from Taco Bell!"

Knee Injury Derails Couple’s Doggy Style!

Published Date: July 12, 2020
Author: Benjamin Dover

Platty Says "30 minutes of doggy style is the equivalent to 3 dog minutes."

recent news

Author Born Death Articles
Amanda Hugenfuk 12/12/62 06/25/19 2
Anna Phalaxis 06/23/68 36
Benjamin Dover 11/22/73 38
Candy Storr 02/26/72 07/25/19 6
Charles U. Farley 04/18/42 06/18/19 2
Chit Ferbrauns 04/22/65 22
Dawn Keybawls 04/26/72 32
Mike Litorus 08/20/64 23
Moe Lester 02/04/55 42
Ms. Ann Formation 06/14/44 1
Oopsai Scharted 01/01/00 28
Platty 30

breaking news

Otter Pops Introduces New Urine Otter Pops!

Publish Date: June 19, 2019
Author: Benjamin Dover
Top Billing Rank: #1

Platty Says "They are Wicked Pissa!"

Another Publishers Clearing House Winner Found Dead!

Publish Date: June 18, 2019
Author: Charles U. Farley
Top Billing Rank: #2

Platty Says "They do say you only win for life. Read the fine print!"

President Trump Wants to Show You His 'OH' Face!

Publish Date: May 29, 2020
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #3

Platty Says "Please Don't!"

Melania Confirms Presidential Load Lumpy Oily Cheese Sauce!

Publish Date: June 20, 2019
Author: Moe Lester
Top Billing Rank: #4

Platty Says "It might be good on nachos!"

My Pillow Review: Never Wake Up Again!

Publish Date: June 24, 2019
Author: Amanda Hugenfuk
Top Billing Rank: #5

Platty Says "I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, I woke up with my pillow missing!"

About Platty

He is tired of your fake news bullshit and wants to bring the real news to the people.

He is the founder of a new consortium called the NeoDemoRepublicLiberTeaConserveAsshole Party.

He brings the news that you don't want at any cost.